My name is Laura and I'm an Obsessive Compulsive.
I've decided to blog about my journey through life dealing with this disorder because I believe that it is commonly misunderstood and generally misrepresented in the media. Everyday with OCD is a struggle with more than just cleanliness or whether or not I left the oven on. There is so much to this interesting disorder.
I'm hoping to use this blog as a way to help others with OCD connect and feel less alone. Each post will focus on either a triumph or tragedy of the day. Like most things, OCD is something you have to take one day at a time.
Today, for my first post, I'd like to start with a triumph!
Today's triumph has been over my fear of plagiarism. One of the reasons that I have never really worked on an OCD blog before or pursued my love of writing has been an OCD fear of plagiarizing. I have a completely irrational phobia that when I write, I am stealing someone else's work. I could literally be writing about something that happened to me that day, and I would still worry that somehow I was dishonestly poaching someone else's ideas.
I am currently working on a book, and today for the first time I searched to see if anyone else had written similarly about the topic. Until now I had been totally petrified of even seeing another title, out of fear that I would honestly believe that I was stealing ideas just by having read them.
When I say fear, I mean that I could mull and worry about it all day long. I could sit, feeling intense chest pain from worry, unable to think about other things that are much more important (like that my mom just got out of the hospital).
I told my dad that I was upset at having looked up the topic at all, that now I felt like I couldn't continue on with my book without feeling horrible. His response was simply, "Don't be stupid."
Now, some would say that this was a little harsh... maybe too strong for someone struggling with mental illness. But honestly, that's what OCD is: stupid. Dumb. You have to not even allow yourself to get into an argument with it. Focus on other things instead. Moveon.com, baby.
And today, by making this blog and publishing my first post, I am triumphing over that OCD urge to cower. That urge to listen to stupidity and stop following my own desires. That urge to give in to anxiety.
Well, not today. Today was a good day.
P.S. Okay, so I've had OCD for as long as I can remember, but I have been blogging for less than a day on Blogger. Bear with me as I figure this out.