Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Real Doubt

Artsy, introspective photo. :-P
I quit my new job.  Just 7 days under my belt and I quit.

And I quit because of doubt.

Now, I've mentioned before that self-doubt is a major part of OCD.  I can doubt things that other people easily dismiss.  For example, when I was obsessively worried about stealing, I would doubt whether I paid for an item at the store.  When I was obsessively worried about driving, I would doubt whether I ran over a squirrel.

Doubt can eat you alive.

But here's the thing.  OCD doubt is different than real doubt.  If you learn to really examine your feelings and be introspective about it, you can learn to discover which doubts are legitimate.  For example, sometimes you actually do forget to lock the house or you do leave the curling iron on and it isn't an OCD check, it's a real check.  Learning this difference between feelings of OCD doubt and feelings of real doubt can help you fight the OCD kind.

The triumph to my quitting is that it wasn't OCD related.  It was a doubt to the core, a feeling that what I was doing wasn't right for me and that I should take a different path.  

Now, I'm working on starting up my own tutoring business.  I'm thinking about finally publishing my memoir (Eugh! Please ignore how pretentious that sounds). I'm taking my career into my own hands and not letting OCD stop me. I'm still sorting through doubts, but I know I'm getting better at it.

I hope that others fighting can learn to do the same.  Don't be deceived by doubt.  Keep going and learning and sorting.  You can do this!

8 comments:

  1. I understand what you mean about the doubt at the core versus the OCD doubt. And good for you. I know you really loved tutoring when you were doing it before and I think good tutors are sorely needed these days (unfortunately). I know that you will do it well.

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    1. Thank you! I do love tutoring. I start with two clients this week. Here's hoping!

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  2. I'm g;ad you feel the doubt isn't OCD related. Congratulations and best wishes on your business idea.

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    1. Thank you so much! Just got my business cards in the mail. :)

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  3. I think you bring up an important issue. When you have OCD (or other disorders too, I would think) it's easy to assume that all the choices and happenings in your life are related to OCD. But, as you say, that isn't always the case, as OCD is only one small part of you. Glad you recognized this particular doubt for what it is and made the right choice for yourself. Good luck with your tutoring business!

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    1. Yes! We are individuals outside of OCD. I hope OCD stays out of the business as well!

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  4. Hello, Laura. Once again, your openness inspires me. Always has and always will <3

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words! Hope you have a lovely week. :)

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