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| My perfect Luke & Lily. |
What I've learned in a little over a month? Puppy parenting is hard for anyone. Specifically though, puppy parenting is an OCD Nightmare. Examples:
- My house is now a pee house. They pee and poop where they please while learning to go outside.
- I worry that I'm not doing right by them. What if I'm not being a good enough mommy? I feel guilt and hate myself for things like sleeping in.
- I double checked the lock (I'm not even a lock checker usually) when I left the house because I know my babies are in the house.
- I feel guilt when I get angry or upset or frustrated at them. I judge and worry about any thoughts I have about the puppies that I label as "bad."
- I feel guilt or worry if I tugged at their leashes too hard or picked them up and hurt them.
- I won't let them have stick treats in their cage when we leave because I'm worried they'll choke. Their safety is now a big concern.
Even given all of these things, I wouldn't trade my puppies for the world. OCD attacks what you care about, but you can't let it take away what you love most. Avoiding having puppies would only let the OCD win and let the fears maintain their power. Having these puppies may challenge me every day, but I know that the exposure is making me stronger. I know that each day I fight through I am better off than the day before.
I hope other people struggling with the same types of fears are also able to work through and grow rather than live a life without dogs. Dogs are so pure and kind - They remind us of what is really important: family, food, and naptime.
A world without dogs, even without anxiety, would not be a happy world for me. Luke and Lily are my triumph, and I will work to get through my anxieties so I can be there for them. Being their mom is one of the greatest privileges of my life. I know it will make me a better person.
Plus, naps with puppies are even better than naps alone.
