After my fully-vaccinated husband got COVID in July and I didn't, I honestly thought I might never get the virus.
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| My irrelevant negative rapid test. PCR came back positive. |
Tuesday was my only real day of symptoms: mild congestion and sneezes. These also may have been due to the booster shot I received that Monday or dust from my office move... we will never know. Since then, other than some random sneezes, my COVID has been invisible. My anxiety and OCD, on the other hand, are here as usual if not exacerbated by this whole situation. Here are five lessons that I've learned from this experience of processing a COVID diagnosis as someone with OCD and anxiety:
Lesson #1: COVID Triggers OCD Differently in Different People
I've always been someone who has OCD worries about getting other people sick more than someone who has OCD worries about getting sick myself. Have I considered the possibility that I could end up with bad health outcomes from this diagnosis? Sure. But I worry more about people who may have been exposed to me before I knew. There is so much fear surrounding COVID, and your OCD can take that fear in different directions depending on your unique themes. For people who incessantly worry about their own health, the worries could easily go in that direction instead. People can also worry about how a diagnosis will disrupt their lives more than any health issue (How would I handle it with work? Will I have to miss a trip/wedding?) There isn't a one-size-fits-all way to worry about this. OCD can be creative!
Lesson #2: OCD therapy can in some ways prepares you for calmer COVID risk analysis.
People with OCD and anxiety can often struggle with appropriate risk analysis. Like I will turn off one electric power strip in my room before I leave the house on the extremely off-chance it would somehow overheat, catch fire and burn it down. I am perfectly aware that's extremely unlikely to happen outside of a Final Destination movie, and there are other things I probably should worry about that I don't. In therapy, I learned the technique of talking myself through some major fears to see that they weren't really as rational or likely as the panic originally lead me to feel. This has been a helpful skill with COVID in many ways when trying not to spiral.
For example, I have have a coworker who is particularly high risk, and it would be easy with my brain to panic that I was going to give him COVID and he could get really sick or even die. However, thinking the risk through logically helps me realize that isn't a likely outcome (Examples of reasons not to expect the worst: Not everyone who is exposed gets it; Even people who live in the same house don't all get it; We are both double-vaccinated; As soon as I learned I was exposed, I masked up in the office; I hadn't been around him that much in the past week before my positive test; Even in at risk populations, not everyone with COVID gets extremely ill.) Unfortunately, terrible outcomes have occurred with COVID, and we can't just throw caution to the wind, but for sanity it is important not to constantly jump to the worst case scenario.
Lesson #3: Coronavirus subreddits are like anxiety heroin.
Oh my gosh what a dangerous world Reddit can be if you have anxiety and it's hungry for doom to feed on. Literally at any time of day, I can go on Reddit and go to r/Coronavirus and see articles about how we are all going down. My anxiety is always looking for something to latch on to, and what better place could there be? Between the clickbait titles and the fatalist comment section, you can always find some information to confirm your worst nightmares have a chance of coming true. Advice to myself and others like me: Stop checking this before bed.
Lesson #4: Following COVID guidelines can be a privilege.
My heart goes out to anyone with anxiety whose employer is writing their own rules. I am very fortunate to have an employer who is letting me follow the guidelines set by the CDC and Ohio Department of Health, and also lucky that my husband can work remotely while he is in the window of concern, but I know that many other people are at the whims of their employer's policies right now.
I have a friend who works at a school, and they are so understaffed that they aren't having employees quarantine even if someone in their house has COVID. In Ohio, the guidance is always changing. USA Today did an interesting article recently on how inconsistent policies are. I can't even imagine how triggering that would be for someone with OCD concerns about getting other people sick.
I was super fortunate that I could take this week off work unpaid, but not everyone can afford to or has an employer who would even give them the choice. I guess the point of this lesson is to try to meet people where they are with what they can do and try not to add to the anxiety of a terrible situation by judging people who aren't able to follow current COVID guidelines to the letter.
Lesson #5: There is always someone more worried than you about COVID and always someone less worried.
I consider myself to be pretty considerate when it comes to COVID etiquette. I got the PCR test when I learned of my exposure... I am staying home from work... I considered who I had seen the 48 hours before my test results came back and let them know so they could take care of themselves. With my fears of getting other people sick, I even contacted someone I had seen in the past 72 hours prior to the test, just to be safe. What I've learned is that there will still be people who feel that I am not doing everything I can and would do more.
For example, I tested positive on a Sunday after learning of a potential exposure at an event the previous Wednesday. Everyone at that event was notified via email of this potential exposure. Relaying my story to a friend, she was shocked I didn't email everyone again to let them know that I later tested positive too. I explained to her that the event may have been where I got it and was over 72 hours prior to my positive test. Emailing those already notified people again just didn't make sense to me by any of the guidelines. For her comfort level, she still would have emailed.
On the other end of the spectrum, some people I know are completely unvaccinated and don't really care about masking either or are outright against it. Still others somewhere in the middle. All of this uncertainty is extremely triggering if you have anxiety because sometimes it is often hard to know the "right" thing to do right now with changing guidelines as this evolves. In some ways, you just have to accept that your best is not going to be enough for some people and would be way overkill for others.
What a wild time to be alive, yeah? As my sister says, people have to do what gives them peace of mind. I have heard other people say to give everyone a little extra grace right now, and that's something we can all work on. But don't forget to include yourself in that group too!
