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| My job spreadsheet. |
As some of you may remember from a few posts ago, I was on the job hunt. Well, not anymore. Triumph: This girl got a job.
For someone who has anxiety, the waiting game was murder. I created a job spreadsheet to keep track of my progress, and looking at it now is pretty interesting. Let's consider the numbers:
21 - Jobs applied to between August 17 and August 30.
13 - Jobs that just ignored me.
5 - Flat out rejection emails.
2 - Jobs with false hope. One of the jobs they gave me a phone interview and then called me in for an interview. Before we could schedule it, they filled the position. The other job they told me to wait for a telephone interview "sometime next week" (already putting me on edge for days) and then I found out from the recruiter they had made an error and were already at the offer stage with someone else and wouldn't be calling.
1 - Job success.
My advice to anyone with anxiety looking for a job is to remember that it's a numbers game. People would tell me that, and it's 100% true. You can't take rejections personally and you have to stay tough and keep putting yourself out there. It's easy to start obsessing over waiting to hear back, but it's a frivolous exercise. Instead of freaking out over applications that are pending, focus your energy on putting out more applications.
For the one job offer that I received, I went through a four step process: phone interview, writing sample, in person interview, and finally a project. That being said, this company was very quick to get back to me at every stage. They are a recruiting firm, so they have a real understanding of the job search process and are compassionate toward candidates. I even told them that I had OCD during my interview and they were super accepting about it. I love that I was able to be myself in the interview. It seems like I have found an extremely nurturing environment to grow my career.
So now, onto new anxieties... anxieties such as: How do I know if I'll be any good? How can I be sure I'll like it? Are my coworkers going to like me? Is my boss going to like me? How long will it take me to "get it"?
Better to focus on the excitement and positive possibilities than drown in the negative ones. Like most things, it's important to remember that only time will tell.
As many of my friends know from my constant complaining... I am currently on the job hunt. I have two part time jobs but I need to move on to one full-time position. Bring on the benefits.
Now, I think most would agree that there are few things in life as anxiety-provoking as job searching. The future is so uncertain... you never know who you will hear back from and circumstances can change at the drop of the hat. As my mom has pointed out, you have to "cast a wide net" and hope to catch something good.
So, I've turned into an aggressive job huntress, prowling the internet for the best available positions for my skill set. I have filled out many online job forms lately, reiterating my resume and personal information. This includes the "Voluntary Self-Identification of Disability" form.
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| The form. |
Now, in the past I've paid little attention to this form, because I never considered myself disabled in any way.
Then it caught my eye: "Obsessive compulsive disorder".... listed right there with "Missing limbs," "Cancer," and "Intellectual disability."
What?
Now, part of me thought, "This is really great news! Mental health problems are being recognized as real problems. They're listed right alongside physical ailments." I was surprised anxiety wasn't on there too... but at least it's a step in the right direction.
But a bigger part of me winced. The discomfort associated with the negative connotation of the term disability as it applied to me was very real.
I have to admit that even after seeing my diagnosis right there on the form, I still checked "No."
Let me be clear: I don't think that people with disabilities should be ashamed or feel like they have to hide. I'm not ashamed of my diagnosis (which might be obvious as I blab publicly on the internet). That being said, I couldn't deny my concern with showcasing it on a job form.
I want employers to see my strengths, "Laura's Greatest Hits," my highlight reel... not my biggest weakness. I certainly don't want to have my entire application viewed from the lens of one check in one "Yes" box.
I recognize that this is what those labeled as disabled have to struggle with every day. For over a year I've worked with
students with a variety of learning differences (from Autism to dyslexia to different physical limitations) and I finally got a small taste of what it feels like to be considered "disabled." I think the experience will make me a more empathetic tutor. Honestly, in some ways it may even make me a better person.
Whether this incident is ultimately a tragedy or triumph... jury is definitely still out on this one.
