Another Year

Let us eat cake!

Last Wednesday was my 27th birthday.  It also marks approximately 8 years since the worst OCD breakdown of my life.

Right before college, when I was about to turn 19, I just lost it.  I couldn't function because the fear from OCD and anxiety was so great.  I thought the intrusive thoughts would never stop. 

I had suicidal ideation - which for those of you outside the psychology world "is a term used by mental health professions to describe suicidal thoughts and feelings (without suicidal actions)." (This definition is from Natalie Staats Reiss, Ph.D. and Mark Dombeck, Ph.D.'s article "Defining Suicide", an interesting read for more information on different aspects of suicide.)  

I was worried that I would feel that way forever.  I didn't think I could handle it for the rest of my life.  

But things got better. 

I got help and have been slowly making progress for years.  I've had my ups and downs, and some of the problems and fears from the past still plague me, but I have better tools to deal with them now.  

So today I feel the triumph of living another year, fighting another day.  Hopefully 27 will be the best year yet.