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| My face basically always. |
But when you worry as often as I do, sometimes your worrying gets interrupted. Someone around might ask you a question. You might get a text message. You might even just stumble on another worry and go off on a different anxiety tangent for awhile.
I can't even tell you how many times I have forgotten what I am worrying about.
Now, for anyone who has struggled with an intrusive thought trap, that at first sounds like a dream.
You forgot the worry? What a relief! Now you can move on!
Ha. Hahahahaha.
I wish it could be that simple.
But alas, when I forget it turns into a different kind of torment. My OCD and anxiety is very physical as well as mental. When I'm anxious, I feel it in the back of my throat and in my chest - a clenching telling me, "Something is wrong."
The tragedy is that I will try to remember what that something is, and if I can't remember, then I start to worry that I can't remember.
What if it was important? What if it was something bad? What if it was urgent? What if I was supposed to do something about whatever it was?
The other sick part is that when I can't manage to recall what that original worry is, instead of going away, the anxiety will just finds another worry. It's a lose-lose scenario where I either remember what was originally upsetting me or find another reason to be upset.
On the bright side, the forgetting proves that my mind can move away from the disturbing concerns that sometimes seem inescapable. Plus, the physical manifestations of anxiety can be worked on. In past sessions, my therapist and I have talked about exercises as simple as deep breathing that can help alleviate the physical symptoms of an anxious mind. As always, just one step at a time.
Now if I can just forget when I forget...
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